When To Say, "I'm Done"

I have two healthy, happy babies. OK-well, a toddler and a baby. I love them to pieces and enjoy spending all of my time with them. BUT, I still want another baby(not right this second-but one day).

Realistically, I'd have 6 kids or more if space and money wasn't an issue. When I was pregnant with Isabella, I knew that she may be our last. I cherished every second-except for my HUGE swollen feet. BUT, I still want another one.

My husband would like it if we were done having kids. He says we have a boy and a girl, what more do we want? I grew up with a brother and a sister, and I would have a HUGE family if given the chance.

I know that he would have another one if I really wanted to, but would he be happy? How do you know when you're ready to be done having babies? How many children do you have? Do you want more?

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46 comments:

Jo Shabo said...

Don't give up! :) I think if you were really feeling like you were done you would definitely know it. IT would be sad to feel like you were missing out on children the rest of your life! I have a feeling money could be an issue here for your husband- a lot of time if the husband is the breadwinner they are thinking-" how am I going to provide" for my family. That is a typical guy thing- I promise.
He may be worried too because he isn't there with the kids all the time and it may seem more overwhelming to him. You are there and you know what is in your heart. I think he will come around! i'll say a prayer that whatever happens is meant to be. Hugs!!

thriftymomma said...

I am totally with you. I have two beautiful girls who joined our family through adoption and if money were no issue, I would buy a bigger house and foster and adopt until the house was full of laughter and kids and joy and tears and all the good stuff (bad stuff too) that comes of being a parent. I love parenting and am better at it than I ever thought I would be. I am not done yet either.

http://www.thriftymommastips.blogspot.com/

mary said...

We thought we were done at two also. One boy and one girl. Then fate stepped in and we had a third. Then we were sure we were done. We just found out we're having #4. Small house or not, I'm excited to have a big family.
Good luck! Lots is loud, but fun.

~J said...

I TOTALLY understand! I have 3 kids and would have 5 or 6 if I could. I am currently battling endometriosis and facing a hysterectomy in the near future. So it's a hard blow to take.

I think as women, it's in our nature to want to procreate. I often think the feeling of wanting to mother children never really goes away.

Big hugs to you in whatever you and your husband decide!

Jenna said...

I can totally relate. My hubby is happy with a boy and girl, and would be ok if we didn't have any more kids...although he would if I want to. Since I just had our son a couple of months ago, I'm not really thinking about it yet...but down the road I could definitely see us having at least one more.

Cindy said...

I certainly can't read minds or hearts, but I always find it a little disturbing that people think there's any such thing as too many children. A little less money in your pocket, a little less room in your house, maybe a few hardships. But can any of us ever say "Ya know, that last kid just wasn't worth the trouble"? If we can't say that, then what makes people think the *next* one wouldn't be just as wonderful? There is no point of diminishing returns on children. If you want to do it, just do it!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I have three boys...and I have always wanted four kiddos. I think my hubby is happy where we are now and doesn't really want any more. The thing is, I can't get pregnant again because of some meds that I am on, so to have any more we will have to adopt. I have thought about it alot and I really want to persue adoption. My hubby is going to take a little convincing though:) Good luck...I know you will be happy no matter what you decide!

Annie said...

We have 1 boy and 1 girl ages 2 and 9 months. I know we are not done. DH wants a large family and 2 is not large LOL
But I had 2 C-Sections, so our numbers will be limited :)

Tracye said...

We have 3: girl-7, boy-3, boy-9 months, and we're not done. Hubs wants one more; I don't know if I'll ever be "done." I told him I think there should always be a baby in our house. He smiled and laughed, but he does want to retire some day!

Jennifer W. said...

I'm delurking to comment on this one. My hubby and I have 5 and plan on trying for one more this summer. After that, he says he's going for the big 'V' but I keep begging him not to! I don't want to do anything permanent (or even semi-permanent) yet!! Even though I know realistically we don't NEED to have more than 6-for financial and space reasons-I can't imagine being at the point where I can just say, 'Ok, that's enough .I'm done.' I've been wondering how and when people come to that point because I'm definitely not there!! I honestly think I would keep having them until my body just refused, and after having had 2 c-sections, that might not be that far off. :(
Jen

Jayme said...

I'm 99% sure we are done. I mean, I can't really imagine having more... but then, I also can't imagine not having the option. It's so hard.

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

We always talked about having 3 kids so on the one hand we may be done. On the other hand though, I have this overwhelming feeling that Becca's not meant to be my last child. I think if Ron could have a guarantee that we'd have a boy, he'd be all for a 4th baby. I really don't care about gender at this point - I'm not sure I'd even know what to do with a boy after 3 girls. But the idea of having a 4th is still open while we wait and see what happens with me job-wise over the next few months. We'll see. :)

Nancy @ Live love laugh said...

After 2 , I knew we had to have3. We had 3 and I always thought..one more...but I also didn't want to tempt fate...You will know...
~Nancy

Jamie said...

We only have one now but I know that I definitely want more! Hubby thinks two is good but I was thinking more about three. I made a deal with him the other day: if he bought a second car then we had to have at least 3 kids if that is what I wanted after the 2nd. haha!

He bought the car so I guess I get the kid!

Katie@The Baby Factory said...

Not by means of undermining your husband's desire to not have more children, I have a comment :)

We're kind of in the same boat. 2 pregnancies, 3 babies. Hubby says: we're done! I always envisioned that we'd have 3 kids, but I thought that would mean 3 PREGNANCIES....and now that the 2 have come and gone, within a year's time, I am not sure I'm ready to say enough's enough.

My theory with the baby gender thing was....If I have a boy and a girl....why NOT have another? You've got one of each, you know what to expect. If you have 2 boys....do you really wanna press your luck "trying" for girl? Only to wind up with allllll boys, or the other way around, you have two diva girls do you REALLY wanna press your luck hoping you'll 'get your boy'?
I say that, and God gave us 3 boys. In two pregnancies.....you can't tell me that He didn't have His own plans for our family, huh?

Krystyn said...

We always said three...not sure why, we both only have one sibling...it's just something we always agreed on.

But, when you are done? I have no idea..I think and hope I just know.

The Gosfam said...

I have 2 right now, my youngest will be 4 in July. I want another baby so bad. My hubby is in the middle of school and doesn't want one right now. He says we will have more, but who knows when. I know there are 1 or 2 more children for us. Anyways if you feel you want more. Don't back down. I think your husband will understand eventually how you are feeling just give it time. Good Luck.

Nichol said...

If you want more I say go for it. I'm done with my two though. I wanted 4 at one time, then 3. But with two difficult times after the birth I have come to terms with being done. Good luck if you decide to have more. A huge family is wonderful!

Amy A.K.A. "The Mrs." said...

I think my body is done having babies but I'm SO not. I have severe endometriosis and being off birth control is the most painful thing I can put myself through.
The hubster and I have agreed since before we were married that we wanted to adopt at least one child. SO, we will have at least 3 kids in our family. Now to look into getting out of this small space so we have the square footage for another child.

carriede said...

I only have one boy who is 7 mo. We are having more!!

My parents have 5 kids. I am the third and was "the last." But 7 years later, another brother was born then 3 years after that my only sister! It's okay to say "no more for now", and financial and space changes will happen in the future.

That said, here's a paraphrase of something to consider. "There's no better way to spend what little extra money you have than on raising a child."

Carrie said...

We're done, unless God steps in and does a miracle. Took care of the birth control thing permanently with my second c-section. I'd had 2 high-risk pregnancies, and we had the 2 kids that we always wanted.

That being said, I still get emotional at the thought of never having another baby. Even though I don't enjoy pregnancy or the newborn stage. It's just weird to be done already with something that I dreamed and wondered about for so long. We're still open to adoption in the future though, if God leads us that way.

Lisa P@www.isitmondayalready.com said...

I soooo understand! I have an 11 year old girl from a previous relationship, and a toddler son with my husband. I want another but hubby will not budge! I hate for my son to have only one sibling that is so much older. At time is almost makes me resent the fact that I married a man 10 years my senior.

Multi-tasking Mommy said...

Oh my, this is something that I have been struggling with for the past few months.

I have a girl who is almost 5 and a son who is 15 months (we had trouble getting pregnant the second time around).

I always joked that I wanted 8 kids, but deep down a little part of me wasn't really joking. Although I know that 8 would be too overwhelming for me, a huge part of me wants more than 2.

I had 2 really difficult pregnancies and 2 difficult recoveries from c sections so it is hard to say I want more in that respect. I don't want to push my luck.

Financially in order for me to stay home with our kids, we have said 2 is enough, but I am finding myself really emotional over this fact.

If you find your answer, do share!

Working Mommy said...

Maybe just give hubs some time to think about it ;) I can't wait to have #2 and the babe is only 7 months old (though it seems like she's much older...time just goes so fast!)! We're hoping for next year (me more than him, I think), but I guess we'll see. You could always put a plan together and present hubs with a slideshow...then maybe he'll come around :) (totally kidding...it was NOT me who did just that!)

~WM

The Cohen's said...

I personally feel that your heart knows when you're done. You may have felt like Isabella was your last baby, but now you are second guessing. Maybe it's your conscience. :)
I have two, same age as your two, boy and girl. I told my husband when I was pregnant that I knew it wasn't my last pregnancy, and when it is, I'll need to know so that I can treat it differently. :)

Good luck. You'll come to the decision that's right for all of you. :)

Mighty M said...

I don't think you'll ever really know for sure...especially if you can see yourself with lots. I am 36 and I still think about it all the time, even though I think we are "done". You are so young, plenty of time....I always thought 3 was a nice number. :)

Christa said...

I'm the oldest of 7 children and am pregnant with my first right now. Even though my little guy hasn't arrived yet I KNOW I want more. 3 more to be exact. Having a big family was/is amazing. Especially being the oldest. I think that if YOU were ready to stop having kids you would know. But at the same time my parents were done with numbers 3, 4, 5, 6, AND 7! We don't have the biggest house (4 bedrooms) or the most money but it works. And I wouldn't have it any other way! Good luck !

Emily said...

It is a tough decision. I would have loved one more but my husband is happy with three. Despite at one point wanting another one, I do have that "my family is complete" feeling. Different from the "one is missing" feeling I used to have. That's kind of how I knew...

Thao said...

I have twins, almost a year old and I would love 2 more. Ideally another set of twins. But Dh is done. We started late so not longer spring chickens. Makes me sad to know that we won't have any more biological children but we may adopt later on.

Qtpies7 said...

I can guarantee you that your husband will not resent a third child, he will love it just as much as the other two! Normal people love their children, even if they have more than they planned to have.
We have 7 and we would welcome 7 more if the Lord wills it. While money seems like a good reason not to have more, it has never been an issue after the children were born. Every time we opened our hearts to God's will for another child, money and space took care of itself. None of them have gone naked or hungry. And they have much of their frivolous wants met, too. God is good!
I can honestly say, having a vasectomy is the worst thing we ever did, and we ended up having it reversed. While we have had two more since then, it is still sad that we can't get pregnant easily. Not to mention the diseases and problems vascetomies cause. www.dontfixit.org.

Cher said...

I have 2 boys, and would love more but not until they are in both in kindergarten at least. But then I think do I want 3 kids or should I have another afterwards so I have an even amount...my husband also would be happy with only our 2 boys but he would take as many as I want too!

alissa4illustration said...

The same situation in our house. I'd like one more, but my husband says he is done. We are on our own independent health insurance, so our cost would go down a lot if we dropped maternity, and he got a vasectomy. I think he lost his want to have more kids because our oldest had a life threatening staph infection in the neck, due to an ear infection at 7 months and our youngest had life threatening meningitis at 2 months. We have 2 boys, and I like to try one more time for a girl. If we end up having a boy then so be it. But Daddy says he is done.

Joy said...

I've been told that when you're done you will know. So if you feel this perhaps you will have another! Your husband will love all of his children, no matter how many he has.

We just had our third daughter. I've teased husby about needing to try for a boy (not now but later) and he says he is fine with three but I know as the youngest gets older he will change his mind. We don't have a number in mind.

Candy said...

I had a boy then a girl and still wanted just one more and we had another boy. I was 19 when our first was born and 30 when our last was born. Age, money, and space, and now because of age, PATIENCE are an issue so we are done. I am perfectly happy with that but mostly because I am tired. It was a rough pregnancy and had problems and a hard painful labor and even at almost 16 months I still can't get this kid to sleep from 8 pm to 6 am to save my life. I am also in school full time now and so so so so so ready to focus on raising these kids and then beginning my career. I can't give my kids the things I want and retire in 30 years if I don't stop having kids and start working soon. If money were no object I'd already be trying to get pregnant with hopefully another girl and that would be two of each and since I am dreaming anyway, I'd have a night nurse so I could sleep. I miss sleep.

Vanessa said...

I'm asking myself the same questions right now. It is so hard I believe as women to picture ever being done having babies. Yet I want to be a young mom. I don't know if we are done biologically or not, it is something we are still talking over.

Julia said...

oh my Dee.... are you my long lost twin??? I'm right with you.... a girl and a boy. thinking i could be done, but often times wanting more. my kids are 20 months apart and i love it.

BUT, i'm a working mom. it's so much harder working. if i was a SAHM, i probably would have another one soon, but working is tough.

Melitsa @ Play Activities said...

It's a hard one this one. We have three boys. We'd love to have another but there are too many reasons why we can't right now. Maybe in the future.

Carole said...

We're exactly where you are. DH wanted only 2 - he was a middle child and really suffered for it, and so he felt very strongly about it. But at the same time I could just see us with a big family and loving it. But when it came down to it I could tell he felt more strongly about only wanting 2 kids than I did about wanting more. So I respected that decision. And I still do. And frankly, considering how tired I am, I couldn't see being 40 and doing this all again (unless the Lord has other plans!). Whatever you both decide, make sure you decide on it together.

Angela @ Nine More Months said...

My husband wants three. I want AT LEAST four, but I'm thinking I might not even stop there.

I do say that I want to be done having kids by the time I'm 30, but we'll see what happens once I get there.

Teresha@Marlie and Me said...

interesting post. I think it depends on your emotional and physical capacity to care and love on each child that comes along. There is always a way around the money issue. I'm the oldest of six and was so tired of being around babies that when I met my hubby we both agreed to wait to start our own family. we were married 9 years when our first child was born last summer. love her to death, but I think I'm done. we might adopt a boy. I never wanted a lot of kids and I know it's because I had so many siblings and always felt neglected when I was growing up.

free indeed said...

Well, I'm here from the other spectrum of life...I'm 49 and I'm almost sure we're done (unless God's humor surpises us)! We had six, and at the birth of the last one, I finally felt 'my quiver was full'. I was content and not wanting any more so went in for a tubal. Major complication to anesthesia and almost dying kept that from happening so I am still able to bear although I think I'm starting to enter menapause now. I felt a peace that we were done....I didn't feel that after any of the others; so I figure God gives that inner peace when you can come to that decision. We LOVED our large family and the kids enjoyed one another too. The 3 older ones are married and having families of their own; one is having their 5th this spring! Another has 3 and has started adoption processes to provide for other kids as well as his own...so the large family was not a hindrance as another poster said. If the parents are able to give love and attention to the children, number shouldn't be an issue. We are well rounded. FInancially, it really isn't that much more expensive with handme downs. You get more frugal; we were able to have a garden and I 'put up' veggies and fruits as they were in season to help with food. My kids didn't get much prepackaged foods like cookies and chips...homemade yes, not store bought often. Their health benefited too. Once college starts, there are benefits to large families; the kids get so much more help from grants and stuff so education hasn't been diminished. We worried about the last two; fewer dependants meant less qualifying for financial aid, but one of them got mucho scholarships...she applied for many and she pays less than $1000 a year for her education...she does have to work parttime, but she is one of those that can balance everything. THe youngest didn't get any scholarships, but with part time work starting in high school has paid for her first year. Every one of our six was able to go to college and we didn't take out any loans for any of them....God does take care of those who follow HIm...He does provide, so don't focus on that for the decision. I would go more towards your mental and physical ability to nuture. It's more of an inner knowing, knowing when it's time to stop. Sorry this ended up so long....hope it helps.

Beverly said...

If he is a good and loving father to the two you have he will also love and care for the third.

We have one and tried and tried for another but it never happened. Two is what I wanted, but Gods plan for me is different and we are fine with that.

Anonymous said...

We are done at two. I wanted more but my husband wanted two. I told him I'd compromise with three. Then I had horrific pregnancies that ended up preemie babies and I decided I was done. I cannot be that sick again. My poor body can't do it. So under doctor recommendation and support, I had a tubal with my last c-section.

I am sad to be done. I wish I could have enjoyed being pregnant but it was the worst thing ever for me. I love babies but I have to take care of me so that my girls still have me. :o)

It's a hard choice to decide when to be "done" but you will know.

April said...

I don't have any kids (yet) so I'm not like an "authority" on the subject.

But I do know that I want kids. And I want as many as my infertile womb can hold.

I'm not worried about money right now, because frankly...my husband will be a nurse, and I can be a SAHM (doing blog design of course) and even if we aren't RICH...we'll be fine.

Without going into all the "religous" aspects of families and children - I'll stick to the scientific and logical ones...

It's better to try for another baby when you're younger...rather than older and "regret" not having another kid.

If you have another child, you will NEVER regret it. EVER.

Mommy Kennedy said...

Not to worry about your husband. He will support you either way and be happy doing it!

Just put it in God's hands. We thought we were done after a boy and a girl too. Then, 7 years later...SURPRISE!

It's changed our lives and neither one of us can imagine life without the baby now!

BabeeLove said...

I am the same way - I'd like to have 2 more kids and preferably twins (yes, I'm making an order LOL). I have 2 kids already and have a boy and a girl too! If we had the money and my husband would afford me to stay home, we would. And it would be my choice BUT for now. I'm good! I still stare at pregnant bellies wishing that was me or newborn babies because I wish I had a baby to hold and babywear and nurse. Maybe I'll have a 3rd and do everything much better than the first 2?!

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